I ask you Lord, Who am I?

A Lesson Learned: by Robin Thomas

I find myself with this very question. Who am I, Lord?

Not in the "identity crisis" kind of way, but more in the, "at a crossroads" time in my life. Semi-empty nester, 60-year-old career Mom seeks guidance at to what the next step might be. What is my purpose?

I was thinking about Moses in the Bible.

Moses was raised by royalty, killed an Egyptian, went on the run, became a shepherd and when he was in his 80's and about to find a nice porch to live out his days, was spoken to by a burning bush.

God told Moses that He was sending him on a mission to rescue the sons of Israel out of Egypt. Say what?

I'm sure his mental subtext was something like, "I'm an old man, what does God think I can do against the mighty nation of Egypt? I must be hallucinating. Bushes can't talk, right? Did that rascal, great grandson slip something in my Boda bag again?"

Moses says, "Who am I...? (Ex 3:11) or why, exactly, do you think I'm qualified to take on this impossible mission? I'm old, I'm a felon, I can't even speak in front of people. I stutter.

God says, "You're not, but I AM."

God goes on to say, "No worries, take your brother Aaron to speak for you, and when you get them out, (not if) bring them here to Mt. Horeb to worship Me."

God had no doubt whatsoever that Moses would accomplish the task set before him because He, Himself was doing the work.

I can sympathize with Moses. I have a million excuses, like a kaleidoscope in my mind that keeps me from pushing forward to take the next step in a direction. Any direction. My safe little spot with my 'jack of all trades and master of none' moniker keeps me rooted in place.

God is sending me little shock waves.

A couple of days ago I had a good-sized check show up in the mail with my name on it. It was from a consignment shop where I had left an item to be sold, but after several months picked it up and privately sold it.

Honestly my first thought was, God has answered my prayer for money, did I put something in the shop that I forgot about? I called the shop, and she identified the item. She told me she would do some research and call me back. She didn't. And in a moment of weakness, I called a friend and asked an ethical question, "If they forgot about it, is it okay for me to cash the check?" She echoed my feelings I knew to be right, but I can't say I wasn't' tempted. In fact, that is the closest I can remember in recent days to doing what was wrong by justifying it.

God needs to sometimes rock the foundation you are standing on. Or send you a burning bush.

God gave Moses a purpose. He saved him as a baby in the river, educated Him in Pharoah's own household, instilled in him a sense of justice for his own people, and honed him with patience in the desert as a shepherd. Now God was ready to reveal Moses' purpose: to save His people.

Out of the blue a friend called me the other day and asked me to help him on his journey of faith. Burning bush? Purpose?

What were all those years in school and seminary for if not for a time as this? (Esther 4:14)

So, for each step that it propels me forward, I welcome the burning bush.

Calm my kaleidoscope of thoughts and focus me on my purpose, O Lord.

"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the things you did."

-Mark Twain